Please Don't Whistle While You Work

Oh boy, do I hate Whistlers.  Listen up, people (I could say "guys," since, with the notable exceptions of Mary Poppins and Snow White, Whistlers are nearly all men, for some reason) -- just because you can emit piercing high-pitched noises by putting your lips together and blowing doesn't mean you should. 

A Whistler is fine if he's wandering down a country path, and you just catch his plaintive tune for a minute before he disappears into the gloaming.  But he's hell in an elevator, in an office, on the subway, in the gym, in any other environment where you're stuck with him and can't get away easily. 

It's hard to say which is worse -- the Tuneless Whistler, who just emits random squeaks with no discernible pattern, or the Snow-White-and-the-Seven-Dwarfs-Style Whistler, who can and does trill a continual stream of tunes unless you stuff a sock in his face.  On the one hand, the Tuneless Whistler is certainly more annoying on a note-by-note basis.  On the other hand, the SWATSDS Whistler is generally (a) louder, (b) goes on longer, and (c) is clearly really frigging pleased with himself, whereas the Tuneless Whistler is generally doing it unconsciously.  The Tuneless Whistler (like his cousin the Tuneless Hummer)  will generally look embarrassed and stop if you ask him to, whereas the SWATSDS Whistler (like his cousin the Deliberate Hummer) will get offended at your lack of appreciation for his talent.  Therefore, I think the SWATSDS Whistler takes the biscuit for Most Annoying Pest.

You may wonder why, with the world falling to pieces, I have chosen to vent my spleen on whistling.  The building next door is being renovated, and the workmen start bright and early at around 8 every weekday morning.  As I've mentioned before, my apartment faces the courtyard, which seems to magnify sound. As if the sound of drills, breaking porcelain (for some reason, they seem to be smashing sinks and toilets in the courtyard), and continual hammering wasn't bad enough, one of the workmen is a nonstop SWATSDS Whistler with a particular fondness for "Don't Worry, Be Happy."  That particular song  just happens to be on my list of the Top Ten Most Annoying Songs of All Time, even when it isn't whistled all the way through.  (He does occasionally sing bits of it, and perhaps I should be grateful that he doesn't sing all of it.)   Frankly, I prefer the sound of smashing toilets.

Yes, of course I've asked them to keep it down a bit, but those of you who've dealt with a similar situation in New York will know just how futile such a request is.

I write from home, and this is maybe the first time that I wish I was heading into an office for the day.  I may be forced to head to a Starbucks.  But before I do, I'm putting my stereo speakers in the window and blasting this into the courtyard:

Comments

[Dr. Phil]

Now I know how to really annoy the @@#$ out of you. Thanks :)